Make your own free website on
Gledwood's Drug Confessions: A Heroin Addict's Blog
Monday, 31 December 2007
Close to the Cusp
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: Auld Lang Syne... still!!!
Topic: Daily Doings

CLOSE TO THE CUSP of New Year’s Day; I am tempted to go out begging the revellers for change. But that would be going backwards a few years.

   Sad as that may seem, I can’t do it. Also my gut feeling tells me to stay inside. I have my methadone. I’ve drunk quite some quantity in advance to prevent that nasty phenomenon of waking early feeling sick, like I did this morning. I was barely over the cusp of withdrawal — just a bit under the weather…

Posted by gledwood at 11:59 PM GMT

Thursday, 21 February 2008 - 4:10 PM GMT









Thursday, 16 October 2008 - 1:33 PM BST

Name: "drift wood"

I too am reading... just got to kno of your blog. Intro: 20 years of hard-core heroin and alcohol addiction. Now, clean.

Saturday, 17 January 2009 - 11:54 PM GMT

Name: "Cassie"

Duane was born the 6th child in a large family, a much loved and precious 
son. His father and I have been married for over 27 years and we were and 
are a loving, happy couple. I am a stay-at-home mom while my husband works a 
normal 40-hour week.

My Duaney-poo was such a charming, funny and extraordinarily intelligent 
boy. He spoke clearly in sentences at age 18 months. He could sing songs and 
recite poems from memory. He was gentle and kind, with a tender heart and 
deep feelings that showed at an early age. He was very close to me, his 
mother and very much loved.

I've recently discovered that he first used marijuana at the age of 11. (I 
had thought it was a couple of years later than that - so he was able to 
keep it from me for a little while.) He never really quit using drugs after 
that tender, young age.

His brother, Johnny - 4 years older than Duane (who first used it because of 
peer pressure) introduced him to it. Johnny also had his 9 and 8 year-old 
brothers using it - although it apparently never had the same hold as it did 
on Duane. While we were able to work with the younger brothers and get them 
to see their way clear to stop substance use, Duane just couldn't seem to 
gather up the will power to stop.

I've read over some of Duane's notes and journals and believe that he really 
tried. I know in my heart that his father and I tried in every way humanly 
possible to help Duane. He went to in-house treatment centers twice. He met 
with a few different counselors, one for several months, until the counselor 
thought that Duane wasn't using any longer. He also met with a psychiatrist. 
He seemed to learn from these experiences with professionals very little. He 
would tell them what they wanted to hear just to get free from them and then 
carry on as before. He was prescribed and used anti-depressants. He said 
they didn't work. I believe they didn't work because he continued to use 
drugs all along.

Marijuana appeared to be a "gateway" for Duane. The road after the gate went 
this way: alcohol at about age 12; OTC drugs starting at about age 14; and 
then from there, he progressed to anything at all that he could get his 
hands on. He obtained substances easily. He didn't even have to have money. 
OTC drugs were always stolen. "Friends" provided him with what he needed 
otherwise or he would steal things from us or his "friends" or stores. Drugs 
could be bought at the school or through friends. He could also get drugs 
fronted to him and more than once
got beat up for not selling them when he used them all himself. We even 
tried moving. But they are every where.

At the age of 17, Duane ran away from our New York home (legally able to do 
that - blessed by the laws of NY and Michigan) and lived on the streets in 
Michigan for short stints between being in jail. He was often caught 
stealing and would get a small penalty of jail time or fines (which he never 
paid) or probation (which he didn't keep). He went to Albuquerque for a 
short time and a fresh start. He had friends that he "met" on MySpace and 
was using meth within two weeks. Duane didn't work but he managed to stay 
fed as much as he needed to and he managed to drink and use drugs whenever 
he wanted to. In the fall of his 17th year, he somehow got a bus ticket and 
went back to Michigan. He spent most of that year in and out of jail for 
petty thefts.

We always prayed that something would happen that would cause a wake-up call 
for Duane. Or perhaps a program that would work. There was a program he was 
put in that absolutely didn't work. KPEP was like a half-way house where the 
inmate can go and look for work (get a free bus pass) and then just sleep 
and eat in this facility. A slip of paper had to be signed by the places 
where one applied for jobs. Duane's friends would sign the papers saying he 
applied for a job. Drugs were used during the day. Duane never seemed to get 

Duane tried to kill himself a few times. The worst was when he purposely 
overdosed on every drug he could get his hands on in February of 2007. He 
had been at a party and there were a lot of drugs available. His lungs were 
so damaged that we weren't sure he would live. His kidneys were damaged as 
well as his liver. He was near death for two weeks and only miraculously 
pulled through. When he got out of the hospital, he immediately began 
drinking rubbing alcohol. He refused to seek treatment for his addictions.

In the late summer of his 18th year, he moved back to New York. Although he 
continued to turn to his family at times, he turned to drugs and alcohol 
always. He refused to admit that he had a problem. I remember he would tell 
me "I got everything under control."
He made two more trips to the hospital. He was found knocked out cold in the 
street from an altercation with a "friend". Another trip came when he got in 
an argument with Johnny and broke a window and slit his wrists. The 
psychiatrist thought he might be bi-polar (a totally new diagnosis for 
Duane). It was recommended to him that he take certain medications - but he 
wouldn't because he said they didn't work. Appointments were made (and never 
kept) for him to begin counseling and go to an addiction program.

He did appear to be making some improvements. He got a job at Wendy's and 
got through the training. He was open and a little excited about attending a 
local job training center to become a phlebotomist. I believe all this came 
about because he had a new girlfriend that he wanted to marry someday and he 
felt some responsibility. Maybe he was beginning to be mature enough to see 
his way through this life without using drugs.

On January 16th my husband and I went over to this seedy motel he and his 
girlfriend had rented for the week. I had bought Duane some underwear 
(having seen the same boxers on him for days - he just kept washing them in 
the sink). It's about my last best memory of my darling. He hugged me and 
kissed me on the cheek. And he said, "I love you."

On the evening of January 18th, 2008 only a little over a month after his 
19th birthday, my son, Duane purchased 6 bags of heroine marked "American 
Gangster" from one of the gang members in our small upstate New York town. 
He took one bag to his girlfriend who had been admitted the night before to 
the adolescent psych ward of our local hospital for overdosing on Coricidin. 
He was able to successfully give her that gift.

He and Johnny then went to his room at the motel where Duane shot up two 
bags. We are told that it was not abnormal for him to use that much. Johnny 
said they sat around for awhile (Johnny was drinking) and then Duane nodded 
off. A couple of hours later, Johnny woke up to answer a phone call and 
noticed that Duane would not breathe for long moments. He woke Duane up and 
said, "Hey, you're breathing funny." Duane told him he always did that when 
he was sleeping. Johnny went back to sleep but woke up a little while later 
and thought Duane wasn't breathing. He tried to wake Duane but couldn't.

19 year old, Duane was pronounced dead at just after midnight on the 19th.

Tuesday, 3 February 2009 - 9:18 PM GMT

Name: gailann1949
Home Page:

Hi - I am so sorry for your loss. I have attempted a first try at finding a blog for my son and ran across your entry. My son is on Methadone but supplementing H when the sleepless nights/nausea and vomitting become uncontrollable. I thought I could find others who have suffered the same and found ways to overcome besides H. For every month that goes by I am more convinced he is dying. Who has the answer?

Monday, 7 September 2009 - 9:48 PM BST

Name: "Narconon"
Home Page:

If you need help getting off drugs, you could contact <a href="" title="Narconon Arrowhead">Narconon Arrowhead</a>. They have a 76% success rate on heroin addicts. They helped me!

Thursday, 15 October 2009 - 10:27 PM BST

Name: "jason"

<a href="">drug addiction</a>
 and abuse is a huge epidemic in this country.  The only real solution we have right now is <a href="">drug rehab</a>.  A very successful, holistic, all natural and drug free facility is Narconon Arrowhead located in southeastern Oklahoma.  This facility specializes in <a href="">drug addiction treatment</a> and has a state of the art sauna detoxification program.

Monday, 16 November 2009 - 4:18 PM GMT

Name: "Candace Phillips"
Home Page:

Normal 0 21 false false false ES-PE X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Tabla normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}

The opioids narcotics are effective for diseases such as chronic pain partially solved, medicines like Vicodin, Lortab, oxycodone, Lorcet are widely used in USA and Europe for medical specialists according to findrxonline the percentage of use of these drugs is very high in this part of the continent.

Sunday, 31 January 2010 - 10:03 AM GMT

Name: "m"
Home Page: http://m


Wednesday, 29 September 2010 - 4:39 PM BST

Name: "Joanne Sura"
Home Page:

We must support people that he suffers from addition to the drugs and if a lot of sound young man because they are the future of our nation, there are stiller, a lot of ways of getting medicines as vicodin online; hydrocodone; lortab; but they are authorities who must control all these cases.

Thursday, 5 May 2011 - 7:15 AM BST

Name: "server support company nyc"
Home Page:

Wow. cool stuff. Is this one successful?This is so encouraging. So often I feel as if I'm preaching to the converted (on Making Light) or crying in the wilderness (most other places).

Monday, 29 August 2011 - 8:33 PM BST

Name: "Naltrexonepellet"
Home Page:

I love your block! Keep the good work :)

Thursday, 3 May 2012 - 2:35 PM BST

Name: "Naltrexone"
Home Page:

What can I say, besides that I understand you totally!

Monday, 11 June 2012 - 10:43 AM BST

Name: "smackhead"
Home Page:

harsh is

Wednesday, 24 October 2012 - 4:59 AM BST

Name: "Jamison"
Home Page:

Hey I like your blog....check mine out, we have similarities

Saturday, 19 January 2013 - 5:53 PM GMT

Name: "Chris G"
Home Page:

ah man you just need to up your methadone dose. I'm taking 55mg a day right now but I was up to 120 after I came off of bags of H or 3 80s a day.

Nothing worse then waking up sick.

View Latest Entries

You are not logged in. Log in
-Adfam National (UK)
-Lifeline (Aus)
-Samaritans (UK)
Newsy Blogs