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Gledwood's Drug Confessions: A Heroin Addict's Blog
Sunday, 14 January 2007
Sleepy Sunday: Mouster Awakening
Mood:  down
Now Playing: I honestly can't think up a
Topic: Chinese Mouse

Sleepy Sunday — Mouster Awakening

HI I AM INDEED depressed and sleeping a lot. At least Chipper got back in touch (thank you). I'd begun to think that was one Christmas card list I'd got well and truly struck off. I'm glad he is okay. He seems to do more travelling than I'd imagined. That must be a knackering life, though.

Mousey cheered me up at an undignified hour of the morning. I shoved him up my sleeve in the night where he slept. Then at 6am he decides to get up. Not just awaken & wash his ears, but go pinging up and down my arm at a manic rate of knots. I closed right hand round left sleeve to prevent escape. He pushes at this with his nose: nudge-nudge-nudging. Eventually I let him out. He will not sit still. Madly he scrambles all over my hands. Eventually I had to put him in his proper house as I was scared I'd fall into a slumber with him tearing around my bedroom like a furry Scalectrix.

This afternoon my French American friend Pascal came round. He said I want to take Mouster to the vets because his balls are too big. I said no that's what they're supposed to look like. They are the size of hazelnuts, which, let's face it, on a Chinese mouse is not that small. I'm not wasting money for a vet to tell me that.

I did have some gear today so I'm not depressed because of that situation. Methadone Sundays are always miserable days. Mother Hubbard didn't want me round her house, as I said earlier. I found out this was because she had family round (about 4 grandkids + adult kids) so there wasn't enough Sunday lunch to go round (fair enough). I had dry old chicken shop Tenesee thighs instead. Boo-hoo! No I'm joking I love surthern fraahd chiihken. Me and Pascal called round quickly on our mutual friend Lucky then I saw Valium Marilyn briefly so it's been a busy day in that sense. I still feel down in the dumps though. I'm glad I have the mouse to amuse me. He is more entertaining than a giant cactus and Homebase were doing them on special offer at the time. If you're thinking £10 is expensive for a mouse it's because he's a special desert Chinese one with pouches (ie a hamster) who's supposed to eat live locusts (did you see that answer below?!?) and garlanded vegetables. I don't know about the live insects but I'm going to get him a giant stack-&-store box or something of that ilk to reside in. That should be big enough to kit out with branches &c for climbing because "Chinese hamsters love to climb" as Jennifer the expert reminded me.

The smallest pet I've ever had, by the way was a £2 aquatic frog. (I have to mention the price as he was such an entertaining bargain.) He lived in a tank full of tropical fish and was just big enough to be able to span a 5p piece (about the size of a 1¢, our littlest coin) with his undignified widespread legs (like a gold-toothed gypsy woman I once saw on the bus, they go wide open). He was about 1½cm long fully grown. Dark green—nearly black. He hid at the bottom for half an hour letting air bubbles out of his mouth at 5minute intervals. Then he'd frog to the top, gulp an air refill and plunge straight down again. Like a mini diver (not to be confused with the actress: Mini Driver) in the tank. He loved attacking dried tubifex worms. Yeah, he was cool my frog. And we had a colour-change fish that looked like a stealth bomber. Flew around the tank like a ribbon. Used to stick to the glass like a snail. (A Borneo sucker.) She was called Nubia: the only fish I've seen who could swim vertically down the bubbles stream.

I'd love to get tropical fish again. Everyone said the tank was beautiful, like the pictures in the books. All banked up properly with an underwater forest. An aquatic Garden of Eden. (I also get told my dinner looks like a serving suggestion; I'm a bit of a perfectionist that way.) 

Just realized how many things I have not posted you. Like my monumentally bad 4-at-once 1st time acid trip. My cold turkey detox at my Dad's house. The one I wouldn't even confess to what was wrong until day three... My massive OD. And so on & so on... Many things I do not wish (to be honest) even to recall right now... But I will post them all up in good time, my friends. I promise you. Okay then, I'm knackered; I gotta go so good morning/afternoon/evening/night/bye—Gledsx


Posted by gledwood at 9:37 PM GMT
Updated: Sunday, 14 January 2007 10:25 PM GMT

Sunday, 14 January 2007 - 11:32 PM GMT

Name: "chipper"
Home Page: http://playingwithfire.blogdrive.com

Southern-fried chicken!  I love it too.  I can almost hear my arteries clogging when I eat it!  But it's sooooo good, isn't it?

Yes, please tell us about your OD.  I need to hear more stories like that.

Thanks again for caring about me.  it means so much.

Monday, 15 January 2007 - 12:13 AM GMT

Name: "Gledwood"
Home Page: http://gledwood.tripod.com/blog

Okay well VERY briefly (bc to post this up as a proper story I have to properly think it through so's not to miss bits out) I knew the local junkies pretty well for a year or two before this happened. So I'd done crack with them etc. People had scored gear for me b4. No-one really knew whether I did or didn't have a habit, though I didn't realize this at the time.

I had £5 on me. The others had £15 between 2 of them. So I went back to a flat on a horrible housing estate with which is most famous for some riots a few years ago. I chipped in my £5 so we could get a £20 bag between 3.

They cooked up the gear. I had mine last. While waiting, not being used to handling a syringe I accidentally squirted a tiny bit out the end. Looking back I wonder whether this little bit was the difference between life and death...

1st guy took his. A big Irishman. He took £7 worth and ended up on the floor, crouched down "gauwching" out. (Nodding out unconscious.) I remember thinking "that's really good gear". Held out my arm, injection went straight in the mainline. I vaguely remember mumbling aloud confirmation of what I'd just thought: "That's really good gear" I remember it felt strong. Immediately I faded away. Literally next thing I remember is waking up under a striplight next afternoon. I had been asking What's wrong? What's happened in a dream, I do remember that. And being told (a little bluntly) you overdosed on heroin. I kept getting off the trolley looking for my bag. My bag was not with me. It had London A-Z (vital+it had all my friends' addresses in), addressbook etc etc and I felt literally lost without these 2 things. And you know how obsessive you can get on a high. Have you ever spent hours doing something half aware? High as a kite? That's what I was doing then.

They had given me narcan or naloxone (aren't they the same thing?) to bring me round but still I didn't wake up till next afternoon. They kept me in that night as well because of my breathing (aparently I'd totally stopped). I was covered in sensors...

I was very upset about this afterwards because despite having spent years depressed & having suicidal feelings now I'd come point blank to death not even trying— it messed me up BADLY in my head for quite a few weeks...

That's the crux of it... Oh and by the way when I was in hospital my "friends" robbed me (or more technically, my bank) by stealing and fraudulently signing against my card. I couldn't prove exactly who had done it. And anyway I got all the lost £200 back. But that's the kind of "friends" those people were.

So there you have it...

Monday, 15 January 2007 - 12:20 AM GMT

Name: "Gledwood"
Home Page: http://gledwood.tripod.com/blog

PS Don't know if I made this clear, I did NOT have any habit at the time. That's why I managed to "go over" on so little...

Gledwood

Monday, 15 January 2007 - 1:55 AM GMT

Name: "Gledwood"
Home Page: http://gledwood.tripod.com/blog

RUTH THERE ARE GREMLINS OUT TO PLAY 2NITE. So Many Times I have tried to leave this comment on yours. I'm putting it here in the hope you'll see it anyhow 2morro morning:—

                                                                ....................................       ***************       .........................

5000? You've actually gone 215 OVER that already!!

I'm fascinated by that map. The one I managed to (extremely badly) install on http://gledextra.tripod.com/blog if you click on that, has a map inside somewhere... One thing I do know: most of my visitors do seem to come from North America.

By the way Ruth: I keep meaning to ask you this and nothing you've said so far has given me a clue: whereabouts in the country are you? (Can I have a guess? You're not somewhere like Nottingham or Derby, are you??) Please tell-!!!

                                                                       ..............................*******************************................................... 

That is basically what I wanted to say but I fell foul SO MANY TIMES of the pop-up blocker: I temporarily allowed them. Logged in & out several times. Even tried your other blog to at least just get the message to you there... aaargh!! I don't know what is the prob. Maybe it's the trouble you described having just through being a blogspot customer. Maybe it's that. If it's happening to both of yours (and usually I have troubles with just the Garden one) it's surely a blogspot-wide phenomenon.

And on that note I'll love you and leave you. Because it's a ¼ to 2am.

Gleds xx

Monday, 15 January 2007 - 3:31 AM GMT

Name: "chipper"
Home Page: http://playingwithfire.blogdrive.com

Wow, Gledwood, that is a thoroughly frightening story.  It seems that it hit you so quickly that you didn't know it was happening until it was over.  That little spilt bit probably was what saved you.  I'm glad you did wake up.  I am so very glad.

I can readily understand why it affected you the way it did for so long.  And this was before you were thoroughly addicted ... quite a sobering thought for me.

Well, Gledwood, that whole story put the fear of God in me.  Thanks for telling us about it.

Monday, 15 January 2007 - 10:55 AM GMT

Name: "Ivy"
Home Page: http://nostoppingplace.blogspot.com

Hey, where'd you get the hamster from? I've never heard of a chinese mouse. Anyway, sounds much more fun than a regular one.
So you woke up in a hospital? Your friends must have just dropped you off there? Obsessive on a high.. Im not sure what you mean. I just know that I was MUCH better at doing my computer code homework while high and that without hard-core opiates I couldnt have gotten a good grade in the class. But now.. see, what happens in those states I feel like you have to be equally high again to remember. I can't remember feeling that high for at least several months. At first methadone made me high at least a little bit- somewhat- now it doesn't even when I gulp down 400 mg. That blows.  

Monday, 15 January 2007 - 1:55 PM GMT

Name: "Gledwood"
Home Page: http://gledwood.tripod.com/blog

Alright, Ivy! 

Hammy: I had to phone around a lot of petshops just to find dwarf hamsters of any type (there are 4: Campbells, Winter Whites (Russian hammies: the 2 breeds are v similar); Roborovskis which are about 2 inches long and Chinese which looks like a mouse without a proper tail. You can see a picture of one by clicking: http://www.hamsterific.com/ChineseHamster.cfm. They're much shyer than normal hamsters, far less noisy; also he's friendlier. Doesn't mind being woken up in the day. Normal hamsters get really grumpy till they've yawned, peed, rubbed their bleary eyes, got going... The 5th shop I phoned had Chinese so I jumped at the chance. I'd never seen one before. It took a 1hr bus ride there & back but he was worth it. He's really entertaining and cute.

Obsessive high. Yeah, I used to get this mad urge to doodle on a H high. Or to do anything else like (one time) watered my friend's garden endless times with a bucket. But usually doodling. Pages & pages & pages & hours & hours & hours... Everyone used to remark that about me but I coudln't help it... Nowadays I suppose I'm more likely to log on..so everyone gets my dizzy outpourings! I've always had a compulsive side to my character. I try to put the energy to good use.

400mg meth??! That BLOWS! That is a LOT, man.

Monday, 15 January 2007 - 5:43 PM GMT

Name: "Shaunna"
Home Page: http://www.phishysims.blogspot.com

Hi there!  Thanks for reading more of my blog.  I am sorry to hear that you are struggling so...I have had some dark times of my own. 

As for the sims.  The game is very open ended.  You create your people, build their house, etc.  But there is no in game story, so what some of the players have done is write brilliant challenges where you play the game according to the rules they put forth.  So that is where blogging comes in.  The story is my creation, but my gameplay follows a specific challenge written by a fellow player.  If you want to know more about the game itself chack out www.thesims2.com, or to see what our group moderator has going check out www.jennthesimmergirl.com.  She has links to several other blogs and also rules, etc for the challenges we play.

 Thanks again for your intrest.

Shaunna

 

Monday, 15 January 2007 - 8:17 PM GMT

Name: "Gledwood"
Home Page: http://gledwood.tripod.com/blog

Thanks, Shaunna. I'm going to check those things out when I'm feeling a little calmer..!

Monday, 15 January 2007 - 8:35 PM GMT

Name: "chipper"
Home Page: http://playingwithfire.blogdrive.com

Tomorrow morning (Tuesday) around 6:30 AM GMT I'll look out my window and wave down to you as I fly overhead!  Talk to you later, Gledwood.

Tuesday, 16 January 2007 - 12:02 AM GMT

Name: "Ivy"
Home Page: http://nostoppingplace.blogspot.com

methadone not crystal meth. SHEESH! And I hardly felt it. That's when I cut back. I think  have to abstain for a few days... Or cut my dose in half.  The one idea I dont like about these clinics is the idea that we need the same dose every day. Normally our endorphins go up and down. Making us the same as a flat line... taking your same dose the same time every day.. Seems alien and wrong our bodies arent meant for total consistency. 

Tuesday, 16 January 2007 - 1:14 AM GMT

Name: "Gledwood"
Home Page: http://gledwood.tripod.com/blog

I'm quite often up and about at 6.30am so if I see a plane in the sky I shall wave back!!

Tuesday, 16 January 2007 - 1:50 AM GMT

Name: "Gledwood"
Home Page: http://gledwood.tripod.com/blog

methadone not crystal meth. SHEESH! And I hardly felt it. That's when I cut back. I think  have to abstain for a few days... Or cut my dose in half.  The one idea I dont like about these clinics is the idea that we need the same dose every day. Normally our endorphins go up and down. Making us the same as a flat line... taking your same dose the same time every day.. Seems alien and wrong our bodies arent meant for total consistency. 


Interesting what you say about levels upping or downing or staying the same. I remember being called "such a junkie" by my ex-ex for complaining that methadone took away the internal opiate tides. But it's true it does. I know someone who got put on meth and once it was holding him and all was level some days later he said he "actually felt better than I did on gear". Which I thought was bizarre. Nearly everyone I know prefers the gear feeling. It feels more natural. You are right.

And maybe that is not just the junkie in me speaking. As you said, doing all day on a flatline just ain't natural.

Gleds

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